You don’t want work-life balance: You want this
Let’s be honest: how long have you been chasing “work-life balance”?
You finally get close, and boom—something tips the scale. Maybe you internalize the shift as your fault or failure:
What am I doing wrong?
Maybe I’m selfish.
Maybe I’m not organized enough.
Maybe I’m just not cut out for this whole “balance” thing.
That inner critic shows up as exhaustion, guilt, and the creeping belief that maybe you’re just not cut out for this.
If that inner monologue feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us are quietly battling the same story—and blaming ourselves for something we were never meant to control in the first place.
The Challenge: The Pursuit of Work-Life Balance Leads to Burnout
Work-life balance emerged as a cultural obsession around the 1980s, coinciding with the rise of dual-income households. Trying to balance work, parenting and home life got overwhelming. Balls were dropped. Frustration rose.
Then we shifted to all-in parenting – without letting loose on the work obligations.
Is it any wonder we’re experiencing a health and stress epidemic?
Then came the wave of well-meaning slogans:
“Put on your own oxygen mask first.”
“You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
True. But often not helpful when the approach is to “squeeze these activities in.”
For me, these mantras led to an obsession with time management. I became highly effective at getting more done in less time. I color-coded, organized, optimized, and prioritized like a pro. But even then, balance was fleeting. It felt like I was spending more time replanning than doing. The tools were there—yet I still felt off-center.
Can you relate?
The Hidden Cost of the Work-Life Balance Myth
Work-life balance sounds noble—until you realize you’ve been chasing it like a math problem.
Split your time just right, and fulfillment will follow... right?
But what we really want isn’t balance.
It’s what we believe balance will give us:
✅ Connection
✅ Joy
✅ Safety
✅ Purpose
✅ Peace
What would you add or change to the list - because it’s about what you want from work and life.
By focusing on Work-Life Balance, we miss what’s most important. Instead, we end up over-scheduling, over-performing, and still feeling off.
Enter time management to the rescue. And yes—it works.
But too often, the time we “save” just gets filled with more demands.
At Work: “Great job gaining efficiency! Here’s another project.”
In Life: More organizing, more volunteering, more everything.
We become efficient jugglers of priorities—still longing to feel present, fulfilled, and enough.
🛑 So pause for a second:
What are you really hoping work-life balance will create in your life?
That answer might be the starting point—not the goal.
The constant pursuit of work life balance is leading to burnout.
Pause and ask yourself: What are you hoping work-life balance will give you?
What You Really Want: Fulfillment, Flow, and a Life That Feels Like Yours
You don’t want perfect equilibrium.
You want clarity.
You want meaning.
You want to say, “This matters to me, and I will protect it.”
That’s not balance. That’s purpose. And to live on purpose, things aren’t going to fit into carefully protected time slots.
A Better Framework: A Hierarchy, Not a Calendar
There’s a more effective model for understanding why we feel “off”—and how to get back to what matters.
Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs isn’t just 1940’s psychology jargon. It’s a roadmap for building a fulfilling life—one tier at a time. It starts from the inside out.
1. Physiological Needs
Air. Food. Water. Sleep. Movement. Reproduction.
You can’t strive for higher meaning if you’re running on fumes. When you are depleted, it impacts your performance and your experience with every other part of life. Taking care of yourself ensures you have the energy to be your best as you serve others. This is the foundation.
Solution: Prioritize sleep, hydration, and nutrition. Move your body daily. Create a space that supports your well-being.
2. Safety Needs
Security. Health. Stress. Stability. Employment. Emotional. Environment. Financial.
You might not be dodging sabretooth tigers, but our mind is really good at perceiving stress in the same way. Do you feel safe being yourself with the people around you? Are you secure physically, emotionally, financially – in each component of your life? Do you set healthy boundaries? Do you feel secure enough to make your voice heard in a meeting, or to say “No” without guilt?
Solution: Strengthen mental fitness. Cultivate environments (including relationships) to support your safety needs and build resilience against stressors.
3. Love & Belonging
Connection. Intimacy. Community. Family. Friendships.
We don’t need 100 friends—we need 3 to 5 people who see us, hear us, and love us as we are. In this hyper-digital world, it’s easy to trade the sense of belonging for one of isolation.
Solution: Invest in your inner circle. Nurture real, authentic connection with people who inspire and support you.
4. Esteem
Status. Self-esteem. Respect. Confidence. Purpose. Recognition.
Esteem isn't about chasing external validation. It's about building a relationship with yourself rooted in truth, love, and purpose. Treat yourself as you’d want others to treat you. If someone disrespects you, check with your inner dialog. Are you unintentionally modeling that same lack of respect for yourself? Esteem isn’t arrogance.
Solution:
Affirm your worth daily: I am worthy of abundance. I create value from the infinite value within me.
Remember: Your purpose is not your career. But your career can help you express your purpose.
Define success on your own terms—not based on others’ expectations, to-do lists, or titles.
Without clarity of purpose and love of self, esteem falters. You’ll end up chasing someone else’s version of value and wondering why it never feels like enough.
5. Self-Actualization: Becoming everything you are capable of becoming.
This is where we’re told “the magic” happens. But let’s get clear:
Self-actualization isn’t about becoming flawless. It’s about becoming fully you – beautiful imperfections, gifts, and all.
Without a defined purpose, how would you ever know what it means to be “the most you can be”?
Self-actualization is not perfection in every area of life. It’s about showing up—consistently, courageously, and wholeheartedly—with grace and gratitude.
Grace for when you mess up.
Gratitude for the process, not just the outcome.
Joy in the doing, not just in the finishing.
When you shift your mindset from completion to becoming, everything changes.
You don’t need to wait for a milestone. Today, be the best you can be right now as you are.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
It’s Not Just Instruction: It’s My Story
I’ve chased the myth of balance.
I’ve spun the plates.
I’ve collapsed under the pressure of “getting it right.”
I was arranging the branches and leaves, when the roots and the trunk were too weak to sustain them.
I’m still obsessed with time management. But I stopped chasing the notion that time management will help me achieve work-life balance. I shifted my focus from the pursuit of work-life balance & achievement to the pursuit of my passions and purpose. As a high-achiever, I want growth. I didn’t find growth by rearranging the leaves and branches. I found growth by tending to the roots and trunk.
Now, I help high-achievers like you reclaim their time, energy, and purpose.
You don’t need more hacks.
You need a better paradigm and a firm foundation.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs gives the blueprint to thriving in work and life. Imagine the pyramid as a tree: Nurture the roots first. Read on to learn how.
The 3 Steps to Living Fulfilled (Instead of Balanced)
This is the framework I use with my clients—and in my own life:
1. Clarify Your Vision
What does “the most you can be” mean to you?
Write it. Speak it. Tweak it as you grow.
2. Build Your Base
Reinforce the foundational tiers through daily habits:
Sleep, movement, and nourishment
Safe, supportive environments
Deep, authentic relationships
Regular reflection on your purpose and values
3. Practice Integrity in the Moment of Choice
Don’t just know your values. Live them.
Make decisions that honor your purpose—even when it’s uncomfortable.
“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too.”
Quick Self-Check
· Have I defined what fulfillment looks like for me? (What I hope “work life balance” will create in my life.)
· Am I building from strong roots – or constantly rearranging the leaves and branches?
· Am I treating my time like a schedule or a reflection of my purpose?
Your Next Step
Ready to reflect?
Download my free guidebook: “From Burnout to Breakthrough”
It’s a simple tool to help you identify where you might be burning out—and what to do next.
Or let’s talk. I offer complimentary coaching sessions to help you take the first aligned step toward the life you were made for. Schedule Now.
No pressure. Just progress.
Because you weren’t made to balance your way into burnout.
You were made to thrive.